Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
