pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
