I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
