Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
