apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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