im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
