he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
