we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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