You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
