Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
