Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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