I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
