Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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