Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
