Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
