So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
