I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
