when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
