never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
