Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
