she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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