i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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