May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
