I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
