i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
