she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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