It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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