can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
