He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
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THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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