It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
