when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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