i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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