As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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