The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
