After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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