How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
