3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
