just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
