Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
