I love black thongs
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
