dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
