I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
