I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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