The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
should my penis look like a turkey
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
