Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
