How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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