If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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