i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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