Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
