i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
