No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
