i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
