Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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