Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
