my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
