i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
