last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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