that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
