garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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