I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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