So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
