Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
