WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
