I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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