I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
