I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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