Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
