she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
