I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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