She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
only you would photoshop your dick
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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