Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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