you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
